Arizona has been on a crazy streak this week. Judge not, coastal elites; if you had vodka in your tampons and crystal meth in your highlighter, you'd be crazy too.
This is just a god damn classic piece of service journalism. Parents, you can thank ABC 15 in Phoenix for bringing you the latest secrets of the hopped-up youth:
But she said the latest trends include "snorting vodka shots."
More graphic yet, she said teens are doing anal beer bongs and soaking tampons in vodka.
Impossible. Not my teen—he's just studying.
If you think your kid is studying, she said look closer at his or her highlighter.
It too, can pull open and become a pipe.
And don't even get this expert started on the energy drinks kids are consuming these days. "If your 12-year-old is drinking that much caffeine, it begs the question what will they be doing at 15?" The answer is probably drugs. Sucking on that highlighter pipe can lead directly to whoring (for drugs), if you know what we are saying. Do not think your child is "fine," Arizona parents.
"It's hard to recognize," Siete said. "A lot of drug use looks like the everyday common cold, allergies, watery eyes, tired, who isn't tired?"